Reasons to Be Excited for Your Colonoscopy

If the health benefits aren’t enough to get you jazzed up for a colorectal screening, consider these less well-known perks.

Cartoon of a man getting a colonoscopy. The doctor says “Wait, weren’t you and your butt just in here last week?”
Cartoon of a man getting a colonoscopy. The doctor says “Wait, weren’t you and your butt just in here last week?”

I at the end of 2019. Needless to say, there are tons of great things about turning a half century old, like sweet AARP discounts, less hair to coif, people cutting you slack for nodding off in the middle of conversations, etc. But here’s a very underrated thing about turning 50: Colonoscopies! Seriously.

You probably know that getting a colonoscopy when you are my age has , like increasing your odds of being around to see future seasons of the Great British Baking Show. But when I got my first colonoscopy this year I discovered there are oodles of other lesser-known upsides. So, if you’re due for one and aren’t exactly whistling a happy tune thinking about it, consider these other perks of the process:

  • Your family and friends will (should!) throw you a colonoscopy shower (NOTE: This only applies to your first one). Don’t forget to fill out an Amazon gift registry for this memorable milestone!
  • Need to end awkward chitchat with someone at a party? “Want to hear about my colonoscopy?” does the trick, like, 95% of the time (although, if it doesn’t, heads up that the chitchat may get a lot more uncomfortable).
  • Let’s face it: After all these months of being cooped up at home with your family, spending a day prepping for your ‘scopy is some seriously welcome Me Time.
  • Ever daydream of eating nothing but lime Jell-O for a whole day? Well, good news: It’s one of the few things you can eat for the 24 hours leading up to your colorectal photo sesh. Get ready to check it off your bucket list!
  • Speaking of those photos, when it’s all over, you’ll be sent home with some great pics for your next holiday card — assuming, of course, that your in-laws, neighbors, and old college roommate have a sense of humor.

As you can tell, I really enjoyed my first colonoscopic experience. In fact, I liked it so much I may have another one soon, this time not for business but pleasure. Anyway, enjoy your ‘scoping!

Written by

Cartoonist. Former Dave Letterman joke writer. Yinzer. Dad of two girls (one a T1Der). Beer drinker. Pizza lover. He/him.

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